): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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