i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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