I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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