i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
