OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
