smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
