I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
