Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I AM VODKA MAN
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
