I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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