I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
