these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
