Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
then he tried to convert me to islam
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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