I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
