it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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