i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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