she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
