Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There r osticjed everywhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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