I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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