we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
