yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
