dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
