It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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