You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
