Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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