So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
