Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
