How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
