I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
