Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
