i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
