yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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