I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
