There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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