if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
