remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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