Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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