Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
