the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
