Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
