everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she peed on how many people?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
