Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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