This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
