porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
