You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
