Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
