I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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