that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
