evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
