Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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