My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
