No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
