The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
