her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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