Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
