we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
