Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
