so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
