So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
